Three Things I Learned From Doing My Daughter’s Hair

— June 25, 2017 —

Editor’s Note: On this blog, I refer to my daughter as “Dear Daughter” (DD) and my wife as “Dear Wife” (DW).

I probably know more about Black women’s hair than the typical guy. Growing up, I was often enlisted by my mother to help her with the upkeep of (or switch over from) the many styles she wore during the 80s and 90s: braids of all stripes (basket weave, box, micro), finger waves, the Salt ‘n’ Pepa asymmetrical bob, the Wave Nouveau curly perm, and, even, the trusty wig.

Add to this a former girlfriend who marketed hair products for L’Oreal and I ended up as a man who can speak somewhat intelligently about the many ways Black women strive to keep their “butters whipped.” Should you ever find yourself on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire faced with a question about the follicular formations of Black hair, feel free to use your phone-a-friend option to reach me. I’ll pick up. (Hint: the answer will likely be Madam C.J. Walker or Luster’s Pink Oil Moisturizer. You’re welcome).

But surprisingly, when it came time to do my daughter’s hair, I didn’t have a clue.

I was intimidated. What moisturizer should I use? What type of brush or comb would I need? Would I have to do ponytails (because I never learned to braid)? And there were SO MANY accessories – a multitude of bands, barrettes, clips, scrunchies. Which ones do you use on a two-year-old?

My daughter’s grooming kit. The purple comb works wonders.

My wife knew I was daddy deficient in this area. So she did what moms do: she left instructions. In this case, it was a one-pager titled “Johnathon’s Guide to Doing [Dear Daughter’s] Hair.” It included nine steps, including “do one section at a time”; “take a fingertip or two of the curling cream and massage into hair thoroughly”; “use the comb to detangle and the brush to smooth hair into a ponytail”; and last, but not least: “use the aloe vera gel to smooth down [DD’s] baby hairs along her hairline.” Edge control is a must.

And so began my #DaddyDoesHair journey. Officially, it started in February when my wife returned to work full time. Every morning after getting my daughter fed and dressed, I spend 15 minutes doing her hair as she sits in her high chair clinging her blanket and singing along to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Then we head out the door to daycare.

Here are three things I’ve learned over the past four months in the role of Daddy the Hair Groomer:

1. Doing my daughter’s hair makes me feel like a better dad.

I didn’t feel complete as a father until I learned how to tackle my daughter’s tangles. I wanted to know how to care for her full circle: feed her, bathe her, clothe her, and yes, do her hair. I was mortified by the idea that DD might skip out the house looking like Bushwick Bill if I couldn’t style her locks like mommy. (And what’s worse, it would have been a completely preventable tragedy).

The aesthetics of my daughter’s hair are not as important to me as the pride I feel knowing that I helped her show up in the world looking like she’s being cared for by people who love her.

2. #BlackGirlMagic Can’t Happen Without Moisture.

As a guy with short, cropped hair, I simply brush and go. I put on a dab of pomade here and there, of course, but concern about moisture is not part of my hair routine. It’s different with my daughter.

She has, according to my wife (and Google), hair type 4A: tightly coiled, very fragile, defined curly pattern. Before I even think about putting a comb through her hair, I have to spray her locks with a mix of water and Kinky-Curly Knot Today, comb, massage in some Cantu coconut curling cream, comb again until her hair darkens and curls, and then brush and pull into two Afro puffs that defy gravity. #BlackGirlMagic.

Once, in a hurry, I tried to rush the moisturizing process, only to get the comb snagged in DD’s hair. She winced. #DadFail. This forced me to take my time and, in doing so, I took notice of the curve of her ears, the line of her jaw, the health of her scalp. Doing my daughter’s hair allows me to be present with her and see the small ways she’s growing and changing.

3. “It’s not about the braid, it’s about the bond.”

So says Phil Morgese, a single dad, who with his daughter, Emma, started the Daddy Daughter Hair Factory in Daytona Beach, Florida. Its mission: “To give fathers and father figures the tools they need to handle hair properly, to encourage stronger bonds between them and their daughters, realizing that the most important aspect of doing hair is the bond behind it.” This rang true to me.

After all, I may never be able to do my daughter’s hair with the beauty salon technique of my wife, but that’s OK. My satisfaction comes when DD leans in close, gives me a big hug and declares, “You’re the best!” #Winning

My daughter with butters freshly whipped by daddy. And, yes, I realize I could have made a better barette choice.

Father on,

This post was featured on HuffPost Black Voices on June 25, 2017.

938 words

6.25.17

Johnathon E. BriggsHusband • Father • Storyteller • #BlackDadMagic • ΑΦΑ

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twice as many dads of newborns today are now in the 40-plus age group

This life-changing moment made me think about my own dad, who became a father at 43. As my parenthood journey unfolded, I noticed that most of my friends had become parents earlier in life yet, here I was, changing diapers and battling sleep deprivation at (nearly) 40. I told my wife, “Parenting is definitely a young man’s game.” But is it really?

Where most of my friends were preparing for their children’s middle and high school graduations, I was mastering the art of the swaddle, perfecting the one-hand baby wipe, and learning to decipher my daughter’s gurgles and whimpers. It occurred to me that I had so much more to offer my daughter at the sure-footed age of 40 than I did at, say, 28, when I was still coming into my own.

Fatherhood@Forty: Memoirs of a Gen X Suburban Dad™ is a creative outlet to share my experiences and connect with other (relatively) late-in-life dads.

Here are a few factoids about me, Johnathon Briggs, the editor behind this blog:

I’m a former journalist (Los Angeles Times, The Baltimore Sun, Chicago Tribune).

I love exploring Chicago and the Midwest with my family.

I remain on a constant quest to stay fit.

I support charities that fight HIV, uplift families affected by incarceration, and ensure African American boys graduate from college.

I’m a comic book geek (mostly Marvel, but a bit of DC and Image Comics).

I’m a child of the ‘80s, so please expect occasional references to the Golden Age of Hip-Hop.

As a reporter for daily newspapers, I had the opportunity to interview fascinating people and to test out great products and brands for my readers. I hope to do the same for you as I blog about the moments that make up this adventure called fatherhood.

Feel free to tweet (@fatherhoodforty) or email ([email protected]) me if you’d like to collaborate or have ideas for a blog post.

Father on,

Disclaimer: Fatherhood@Forty may contain affiliate marketing links, which may result in commission on sales of products or services I write about. My editorial content is not influenced by advertisers or affiliate partnerships. This disclosure is provided in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR § 255.5: Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

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Few may know this, but twice as many dads of newborns today are now in the 40-plus age group, compared to the 1970s. Six weeks before my 40th birthday, I became a first-time father, hence the title of this blog.

Fatherhood@Forty: Memoirs of a Gen X Suburban Dad™ is a creative outlet to share my experiences and connect with other (relatively) late-in-life dads.

Here are a few factoids about me, Johnathon Briggs, the editor behind this blog:

I’m a former journalist (Los Angeles Times, The Baltimore Sun, Chicago Tribune).
I love exploring Chicago and the Midwest with my family.
I remain on a constant quest to stay fit.
I support charities that fight HIV, uplift families affected by incarceration, and ensure African American boys graduate from college.
I’m a comic book geek (mostly Marvel, but a bit of DC and Image Comics).
I’m a child of the ‘80s, so please expect occasional references to the Golden Age of Hip-Hop.

Feel free to tweet (@fatherhoodforty) or email ([email protected]) me if you’d like to collaborate or have ideas for a blog post.

Father on,

P.S. Check out The Art of Conversation podcast interview I did with Art Eddy from Life of Dad.

4 responses

by Kathy Strahs

June 25, 2017

I love this! Emarie looks cute as can be and one day she will fully appreciate the care her daddy took to send her out in the world looking her best. 🙂 My daughter is 9 but my husband could probably still benefit from that one-page cheat sheet!
- by Johnathon E. Briggs
  
  June 26, 2017
  
  Thanks for reading the piece, Kathy. Cheat sheets are a wonderful thing!
by Anne statton

June 25, 2017

Fantastic!
- by Johnathon E. Briggs
  
  June 26, 2017
  
  This was fun to write, Anne! Glad you enjoyed it.

Comments are closed.

w: Johnathon E. Briggs

Three Things I Learned From Doing My Daughter’s Hair

1. Doing my daughter’s hair makes me feel like a better dad.

2. #BlackGirlMagic Can’t Happen Without Moisture.

3. “It’s not about the braid, it’s about the bond.”

4 responses

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